Meir Ezra
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How to Get along with Your Spouse (and Others)

When your spouse does something wrong, how do you react?

Some people like to blame their spouse. “You really embarrassed me when you told that stupid joke. You make me want to stay at home.”

Others prefer to criticize. “You’re so fat it makes me sick.”

Getting even is also a common response. “Well, because you were flirting with Chris, I decided to flirt with Pat.”

By blaming, criticizing or getting even with your spouse, you are trying to be AT CAUSE by putting your spouse AT EFFECT. Unfortunately, putting your spouse AT EFFECT is harmful to your relationship.

Cause and Effect

When it comes to situations and relationships, you are either at a cause point or an effect point. When you paint a wall, you are at cause over the paint and the color of the wall. When you spill paint all over your clothes, you are at the effect of that paint.

There are two types of relationships:

1. CAUSE-EFFECT is the most common type of relationship. As in the examples above, you take command of the relationship and put someone else at the effect of you or the problem.

For example, husband John says, “Mary, you ran over the neighbor’s gate. How could you be so stupid?”

John might feel at cause over the gate problem, but Mary will feel effect.

2. In a CAUSE-CAUSE relationship, you assume a cause point yourself AND you allow or encourage your spouse to assume the cause point AS WELL.

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